For This I Am Grateful Friday

Whew.  I feel really guilty about skipping one of these posts, but last Friday was just a little too action-packed to blog.  It's been quite the week, but if you read yesterday's post, then you already know that.  All in all, one thing that I'm trying to remember is that even when one area of your life is kicking you in the shins repeatedly, that doesn't mean that there aren't still good things in life, right alongside the bad.

Things I'm grateful for this week:

• The the saga of the medical records transfer has come to an end.  I think.  After being told that they were faxed this morning (they weren't) and dealing with more run around, I showed up in person, took my records, and hand-delivered them to the new doctor a la carrier pigeon.  Maybe now the process will move forward.
• That all I had to have done at the dentist's office Thursday morning was have a filling replaced.  You're thinking that I'm crazy because I'm grateful that such a thing was on my agenda, at 7:00 in the morning no less.  The thing is that my hygienist last week was predicting that I'd need a crown, possibly 2.  Just one filling replacement?  I'll take my wins where ever I can find them.
• My grandmother seems to finally be stable and getting stronger.  Yay!
• I know I mention this one all the time, but Body Flow.  Savasana.  I needed that.  A lot.
• A good day with Eva today, even though I dragged her all over the place with me.  I know that between playing at the gym and attending a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, she was exhausted.  She was still well behaved, mannerly, and sweet.  We had fun together despite things being rather overwhelming at times.
• A normal Friday night.  While at the grocery store this evening, Eva asked me what we were going to do when we got home.  "Eat dinner, sit on the couch, and watch TV.", I told her.  It's been so long since we got to do that on a Friday night.  "What are we going to watch on TV?", she asked.  I told her that I didn't know.  "Hockey!", she responded.  Yes.  That's my girl.
• Vitamin water and ester-C.  The husband is sick and it looks like I'm following suit.  I'm doing my best to cut it off at the pass.  I have a Penn State football game to go to tomorrow!  Must.  Be.  Well!

On the phone with her grandparents.  Please excuse the mess.

And Then My Head Exploded

Just a warning, this post might contain more personal information than you want to know about me.  It also has nothing and everything to do with Eva, all at the same time.  It's also really just to vent, because ZOMG I'm about to lose my effing mind.

It all started 10 years ago when I found a lump in one of my breasts.  It was found on Monday and removed on Thursday.  It was a solid mass, but round.  Not a huge cause for concern, but they got it out, biopsied that bad boy, and determined that it was benign.  It was less than a week and a half between the time that I saw my doctor about it and had the biopsy results.  Exactly as it should be.

Then 6 years ago another lump came along.  I don't even remember what made my doctor order the sonogram that found it in the first place, as it was impalpable.  They said it just looked like a cyst, come back for another sono in 6 months.  So for a few years I went in every 6 months.  There was no change, so then it became a once a year thing for a while.  Then it went to 2 years.

I was almost excited when I went in for my last one.  I was told that if there was still no change, I could just forget about it.  No more sonograms, no more worries.  As good as gone.  It was still impalpable, so we expected that everything would be the same and I'd walk away from the place for the last time.

Except that it wasn't the same.  The sonogram tech and the radiologist both asked me several times if I knew why I was there.  I figured that was either a really good thing or a really bad thing.  As it turns out, not only did the original one change, it now has 3 friends in there.  God only knows what's going on in the other one beyond the pain that I feel in it on a daily basis.  The radiologist said something about complex cysts with jagged edges, but still recommended that I just come back in 6 months for a follow-up after asking if I was ok.  Because of my age and the lack of a family history of breast cancer, he was unconcerned.

I thought I was fine.  Disappointed, but fine with it.  Cysts aren't a big deal, so I wasn't too upset.....until I researched it and found out that simple and complex cysts mean different things.  Simple cysts are no big deal.  Complex cysts are malignant 30% of the time.  I'm trying to focus on that 70% of the time that they're not, but still.  My father is currently undergoing treatment for bladder cancer.  I want those things biopsied.  Yesterday.

You'd think that'd be easy to have scheduled, right?  Apparently not.  My doctor told me that if I didn't hear from her a week after the sonogram to give her a call.  Actually, I called a few days later to leave my cell phone number because I'd be out of town for a few days.  Heard nothing.  Called back the following Tuesday.  She wasn't in, but would be in the office tomorrow.  So I call the next day, which was yesterday, and so started the drama.

I ran through the whole "I'm a patient of [Dr. So and so], she ordered blah blah blah, said if I didn't hear from her that I should call, blah blah blah."

(Cue attitude)  "Well, she's with a patient right now."

"Um, ok.  I didn't mean to pull her away from a patient.....I just was checking to make sure she got the report and needed to talk to her about that when she has a minute."

"Well we never got the report."

"It's been a week and a half!  They still haven't sent the report?!  How long does it normally take?"

"When they get around to it."

"Well, I really need to get this moving along so I can schedule a biopsy."

(Cue more attitude)  "Well she can't schedule a biopsy until she sees the report!"

I might have blacked out from rage at that point.  I then called the imaging place, ready to raise hell, then quickly  backed down when they told me that due to the nature of the findings, they faxed my doctor's office a copy of the report the same day I had the sono done and sent a copy in the mail.  The nice lady even offered to fax it again.

I called the doctor's office back to let them know the report was on its way again.  "Ok." *click*  How professional.

I made the decision today after talking to a friend to switch doctors.  (Thanks Melissa!)  Not only is this ridiculous now, but if something really is wrong, I don't want to think about having to deal with this kind of stress and run around while I'm sick.  I called a breast specialist to schedule an appointment, but apparently that's not how she works.  You have to have your doctor fax all of your records and reports to her and then she decides if she'll take your case and calls you back.

The lady at the imaging place sent my reports right away, no problem.  The doctor's office said I needed to fill out a form.  Fine.  That's understandable.

"What's your fax number?"

"I'm at home.  I don't have a fax."

"Well then, I can't help you."  *click*

I called back and talked to someone else who told me to come in and fill out the form.  Guess whose office staff wasn't there upon my arrival?  Yeah.  The people who were there had me leave a note.  You can imagine how much faith I have in this being resolved any time soon.

The situation has just been infuriating for me.  Even worse is that I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has had this experience.  To be told that there's a chance you could have cancer, especially breast cancer, and then have the rest of the system completely break down while you're at the mercy of idiots is just cruel.

If it is cancer, how long has it been growing in there?  Has it spread?  Where?  These are all things I was hoping to know by now.  Things that everyone facing such a thing should know by now.  How many people out there are strung along like this all the time?  I can only imagine.

Anywho, sorry for such a long rant-filled post.  I'm seriously not looking for sympathy, I just REALLY needed to vent.  Hopefully the venting will keep me from losing my temper on someone.  Wish me luck with that.

Playing Catch-Up (Part 3)

So what more could we work into one weekend?  A trip to the Pittsburgh Zoo and Aquarium!  We got off to kind of a late start because after the day we had before, none of us was about to get up at the break of dawn and get moving.  Eva even slept in till almost 9:00, which is something I don't think she's ever done before in her life.  Girl was TIRED......and so were the rest of us.

The zoo was great.  Just one little thing.....why didn't someone warn me about that escalator ride up?!  Seriously!  That was terrifying.  I don't think I've ever been on one that steep before.  For those of you who have never had this experience, it's so steep that it was just as bad to look UP as it was to look down.  I spent the trip staring at my shoes and praying for it to be over.  Yowzah.  But, I digress....

They don't have as many animals as the National Zoo, but they have all the animals that you really want to see anyway AND it wasn't crowded.  Let me tell you how enjoyable it is to walk shoulder to shoulder with a couple thousand other people for every step you take and have to see everything from a distance because of the crowds.  Yeah, it's not.  At all.  Our experience last weekend in Pittsburgh was the opposite of that.  We got to see all the lions, tigers, and bears up close-ish and in their adorable, cute, furry glory.  Sure, any one of them could become a furry death machine without a second's notice out in nature, but the size of a polar bear's back paw is nothing but adorable from a safe distance and behind very heavy, thick glass.  Eva thought so too.

Cute as the mammals were, I think Eva and I could both agree that we enjoyed the penguins the best.  My obsession started because of the hockey team and went from there.  They're just so cute and entertaining.  Plus, they can't fly.  We don't have to talk about why that's a good thing, right?  Right.  The little tuxedo-clad guys drew quite a crowd, but we waited everyone out and eventually made our way to the front.  I think we could have watched them all day.

Hi, guys!

Nemo!  Eva loved the fish, but seeing as how her only previous experience with them was what she saw in "Finding Nemo", she couldn't understand why they didn't talk back to her.  She spent a lot of time poking at the glass yelling, "Hi, fishy!  HI, FISHY!".  We decided to move her along to the next exhibit when she started reminding us a little too much of "Darla" from that movie.

I just wanted to curl up with him and cuddle.

Aforementioned polar bear paw.

Eventually we left.  Cranky, tired, and hungry is not a good look on anyone, especially the mother of a 3 year old.  What, just me?  Oh well.  We all needed to recharge a little for the evening ahead.  I'd tell you where we ate dinner, but you'll make fun of me.  Let's just say that a certain little one left with a smiley face cookie.  (Yes.  I'm old, I was there for the early bird special, and get off my lawn.)  If you aren't familiar with western PA, then you have no idea what I'm talking about.  It's probably better that way.  Carry on.

While Eva stayed at the hotel with her Aunt Kees, wearing out any traces of energy that either of them had left, my husband and I went back downtown to Ti Kanaval.  We had a great time with some great people while supporting a very worthy cause.  I might have even won something really, really amazing.....I think.  I'm still waiting to be contacted about that and I'll admit that I'm getting a teensy bit nervous.  Anywho, it was great to see online friends in person again and I'm glad that we were able to attend and support 2 young women who are giving so much of themselves to help the orphans of Haiti.   

Even after 2 days back at home, I think we're all still recovering.  This might be because the pace of life hasn't slowed down yet.  That's ok, though.  It was a good weekend.  Everything worked out according to plan and the weather couldn't have been more perfect (especially considering that we were in Pittsburgh in November).  I'm glad that my sister was able to make the trip with us to help us out and to share in the experience.  She also helps to balance me out when I'm tired and cranky.  I've been told that I'm a little scary when I'm like that.  Don't believe it though, I'm always sweet and nice, even when I'm beyond tired and haven't had my coffee yet.  Ahem.

Even with all the fun we had at the different places around town, one of my favorite moments from the trip was right at the beginning.  Not long after exiting the Squirrel Hill tunnel on 376 and seeing the city for the first time in person, Eva yelled from her car seat, "There's Pixburgh!  I LOVE Pixburgh!  Very beautiful, Pixburgh!".  It's like she just knew.  

Playing Catch-Up (Part 2)

Last Friday we hopped in the car (again), and started making our way to Pittsburgh.  Since it was Eva's first trip into The Burgh, we packed as much into our time there as possible.  The combination of a busy schedule, a 3 year old, and travel had me equal parts excited and nervous.  When things are going well that can lead to a really fun adventure.  When things are going badly, it can lead to a whole world of hurt for me and the hubby.

Our first stop was the Carnegie Science Center.  Eva had a great time running from one exhibit to the next, stopping to play with whatever caught her attention.  We, as usual, had fun trailing along and watching the wheels in her head turn.  The first floor is pretty hands-on, but there wasn't much that held her interest for too long.  The second floor got a little more interesting with its robot displays.  My favorite was this:

A robot that shoots baskets.  So freaking cool.

One more floor up, the exhibit had an aquatic theme.  She was a big fan of the fish tank.

That's my girl- using a magnifying glass, making her science dork of a mother proud.  Also: Dori!

The next floor up was a preschooler's dream come true.  If it's something that a 3 year old would love to play with for hours on end, chances are that they've got it there.  Eva's favorite part was an area that demonstrated how vacuums, conveyor belts, and pulleys work.

Upon seeing this picture again: "I was thinking there, Mommy. Thinking and thinking.....".

After we all had had enough thinking for one day, it was time to go and check in at the hotel.  I had hoped for some down time and maybe even a nap, but we didn't have much of a buffer until it was time to leave for our next adventure.....that day.

We went to see the Penguins play at the Consol Energy Center.  It was our first time seeing them in the new arena and Eva's first-ever hockey game.  I'm sure that I was more excited about it than she was.  The poor thing was so exhausted that she fell asleep in the car on the way to and from the game.  Despite her very tired state and having to stay relatively still for a few hours all while being 3 years old, she seemed to have a good time.  Granted, it had a lot more to do with Iceburgh (the Penguins mascot for all you heathens out there) than the actual game, but that's ok.  She also loved celebrating all the Pens goals- lucky that we were at that particular game since their performances before and since have been rather lackluster.  But Iceburgh, he was definitely what she loved most about the game.  Before the game started he was out on the ice, picking up pucks and dancing around.  Eva had a moment of panic when the zambonis came out on the ice at the same time. "Penguin! Penguin, watch out!"  She was VERY concerned that her beloved penguin was about to meet a tragic end right in front of our eyes.  It was so cute.  For the entirety of the game, the only thing she really cared about was where Iceburgh was at any time.

The mascot, the myth, the legend. Iceburgh.

Watching the game.

My new favorite picture. Hi there, Max!

My sister (who was along for the trip) and I capped off the night with some Golden Girls.  Couldn't have asked for much more from that day.

Playing Catch-Up (Part 1)

Wow.  What a couple of weeks.  We crammed so much into 2 weeks that it feels like it was 2 years.  Today's Wednesday, right?  Just checking.  The next time I decide to schedule 3 trips in 2 weeks, please try and talk me out of it.  They all went well, but geez!  I know I'm ready to hibernate for a while now.

After our trip to Sesame Street, we returned home for a whole 36 hours before packing up the car again and going to my in-laws' house for the weekend.  Defying logic and insomnia, we ran a 5K with my sister-in-law the morning after our arrival.  It was my husband's first 5K and I'm so proud of him.  He did a really great job.  I also somehow managed to get a personal best despite minimal training and the course being uphill both ways.  (No, I'm serious.)  This included a 0.4 mile hill.  I can only explain my time by citing the classic combination of adrenaline and caffeine.  And then my SIL showed both of us up by placing 1st in her division.  (Congrats again, Liz!)  It was a good weekend and Eva, of course, had a great time running playing with her grandparents.

Then another week of school, errands, soccer, and trying to keep track of what day it was flew by, and we were on the road AGAIN.  Our first stop was my parents' house.  They kept Bailey for us while we went on our little adventure.

In the morning before we left their house, Eva and my mother were outside playing.  For some reason, my daughter decided that she had a pressing need to rake the leaves in their yard.  I would like to know exactly what triggered her need to clean something up and exactly how I can turn that into some kind of pavlovian response around our house.

The best part about that little scene?  Before long it turned into Eva riding the rake around like a pony.......and.....(wait for it)......her convincing my mother to do the same.  There is photographic evidence that I really, REALLY wish I could share with you.  Alas, as I was snapping pictures, my mother was yelling at me, "This had BETTER NOT end up on Facebook!"  I'll go ahead and assume that her wishes extend to this blog.  It's a pity because...well, let's just say it's not something I ever expected to witness in my lifetime.  The things grandparents will do for their grandchildren.......

It was almost 60 degrees out, but she insisted on being bundled up.

A girl and her dog, just running. 

Sunny Day

I woke up from a sleep that could only be described as mediocre at best to hear the bedroom door opening.  The light that had been left on in the hallway poured into the room.  I opened one eye just enough to see that it was 5:20 in the morning.

"Honey, it's too early to be up.  Please get back in bed."

"But I wanna go out there!"

"Honey, it's still dark out.  It's not time to be up yet.  Please get back in bed."

"BUT I WANNA GO OUT THERE!  I WANNA PLAY WITH GRANDMA!"

"Grandma isn't up yet because it's early.  GET.  BACK.  IN.  BED."

"BAAAWHAAA-AAAAA!"

*10 seconds of silence*

"GET ME A TISSUE!"

"Oh no.  I'll get you a tissue when you can ask politely."

"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

You can understand why I was nervous about how the rest of the morning was going to go.  We had to leave really early to get to the place kind of early to meet some monsters before the mid morning Sesame Street Live performance.  She was exhausted after a big weekend and no nap the day before.  She was out of her routine.  It could have been a recipe for disaster.

Except that it wasn't.  She had the time of her life this morning.  First she got to meet 2 of the monsters before the show, take pictures with them, and generally hug and squeeze them until she practically had to be pried off of them.  Tall men (and really just men in general), she's terrified of.  Giant furry monsters?  Best.  Things.  Ever.  I have an uncle that might have to start wearing a Big Bird costume around her.

She's kind of a fan.

Elmo got some love too.

After the monster meet and greet was over, we made our way to our seats.  At first I was worried that maybe I hadn't gotten the best seats for Eva.  They were in the front row, but on the end.  I thought that maybe she might not have a great view of the monsters.

And then the show started and I realized that I had gotten the perfect seats for Eva.  Her seat was right at the bottom of the stairs that led the monsters back and forth between the stage and the audience.  She hugged, high-fived, and/or danced with every character that came down into the audience.

She's a BIG Big Bird fan.

DANCING SHEEP!

The show was great and Eva behaved perfectly through her first theatrical performance.  To watch the pure joy that my daughter exuded made the experience priceless.  I think that my mother and I both had as much fun as she did.  It was a day that I hope Eva remembers as well and as fondly as I know that we will for many years to come.

For This I Am Grateful (A Few Days Late)

Whew.  It's been a hectic couple of days.  For the past 4 I've hit the ground running in the morning, and then it's been like a race to the finish.  Every.  Day.  I was so exhausted last night that I couldn't even stay awake to watch the Steelers game.  From what I read today, that was probably a good thing, but still.  Life's been crazy busy, I'm thoroughly exhausted, and it's only the very beginning of our month of insanity.  Hold me.....then bring me some coffee, please.

Anywho, here's the current list:

• That I survived last week.  Tuesday alone was so hellish that it made me cry.  Seriously.  It was BAD.  Somewhere around mid-afternoon when I composed myself well enough to call my mom, my dad (just back from one of his cancer treatments) informed me that my mom was at the hospital because my grandmother had just been admitted to the ICU.  I might have snapped a little at that point.  A cosmo and a shake weight commercial were put in charge of cheering me up a bit that evening.
• That my grandmother was discharged yesterday and is back at home.  It's a continuing saga.  Her aortic valve is new, but everything else is still 94 years old (and kind of freaking out).  And her cardiologist just plain sucks.  He's an ass.  I'm not sure how my mother and aunt have refrained from punching him in the face thus far.  
• On to happier notes: That both my husband and I were able to attend Eva's Halloween party at school last week.  They had a parade in the gym (OH, THE CUTENESS!), had some craft time, and played some Halloween bingo.  Good times.
• That we celebrated my niece's 1st birthday last Saturday and got to spend time with family.  She's definitely learning to ham it up for the camera and watching a kid discover cake for the 1st time is always fun.
• That Eva got to spend lots of quality time with her grandparents (my in-laws) while they were up this weekend.  Forget Halloween, when they asked her at school this morning about her weekend, she went on and on about how she got to play with Nana and Papaw.
• That we got to go out Saturday night and act like a couple of college kids (sort of).  There was a bar crawl and it was superhero-themed.  (These are the kinds of things you get talked into when your best friend plays rugby.)  We had fun.....despite one of us forgetting that he can't drink like he did in college.  Ahem.  
• That we had fun trick or treating with Eva last night.  She's getting the hang of it.  We even put on our costumes for the outing.  Note to self:  The end of October tends to be chilly and windy.  No costumes with skirts (particularly of the short variety) for me next year.  Wonder Woman apparently does not care about staying warm.
• That I managed to run 3.15 miles without stopping this morning.  According to Run Keeper, I hadn't run that far outside since August 24th.  Between the amount of time that had passed since running that far (not to mention consistently), my aforementioned exhaustion, and my asthma coupled with the fact that it was 40 degrees out when I started, I did not have high expectations for this run.  I had to try it out though, as we agreed to run a 5K with my SIL and her fiance in North Carolina on Saturday.  My time was rather miserable, but I'm just happy that I didn't have to stop and walk or use my inhaler.  Wish me luck on Saturday.  I'm gonna need it!

Waiting patiently