Losing My Balance

It's an important thing, having balance in your life. Finding that place where you manage to fulfill your responsibilities while also having time for the things you enjoy. I think I had that for a few brief moments.....and then it was gone.

I have the SAHM thing going on. Eva's needs get the first cut of time out of my day. As she gets older and becomes more independent she doesn't need me every single second anymore, but she still needs me. That time is obviously non-negotiable.

Then there's the gym. There are 2 main reasons why I work out- for the way it makes me feel and for job preparation. Everyone knows about the long-term health benefits of leading an active lifestyle, but for me exercise is also my anti-anxiety drug. Working out keeps me feeling healthy mentally and physically, and I know I'm a better mom when I feel centered. And there's that whole personal trainer/fitness instructor gig I have in my sights- you have to be fit and look the part. The alternative is less than inspiring.

It turns out that studying for a personal training certification can take a whole lot of time. The book is so big and so heavy that it could seriously be used as a weapon. Some days I feel like I'll never get to the end of it. I had hoped that having a biology degree would help me breeze through some of it until I remembered that the information I'd be revisiting was from one of my very least favorite classes. (Damn you Cell and Molecular Biology! I thought we were through!) It's been a slow process to say the least, but I am creeping towards being halfway done with the book. I've set a deadline for the end of August for taking the certification test, although I'd love to be ready by June or July. Until then I'm doing my best to stay focused, keep my nose to the grindstone, and not think about the parts about this process that scare me.....A LOT.

I've been making a valiant effort at cooking dinner every night.....and failing. Our house? This poor, poor house. I worked for nearly every waking second of last weekend to catch up on all of the things I've been neglecting around here lately.

And you know how well I've been keeping up with this blog. I hate that I haven't had time to write lately because it means that memories I could have chronicled will be lost. I know I've had at least 4 or 5 good ideas for posts in the last couple weeks that I can't remember now for the life of me. I miss reading other blogs and commenting too. I feel like I've fallen off the map somewhat and I don't like it.

Basically, I feel like I'm trying to do everything and succeeding at nothing. I know that's not true, but some days it feels that way. I'm trying, though. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and one task at a time. Getting my personal training certification will be a huge stress relief. (And then the stress of training and trying to become Body Flow certified will take its place! Ha!). Until then, if you don't hear from me much, it's probably because I'm over here flailing wildly.....and desperately trying to find my balance again.